Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Im human too...

sigh..

being a christian...i know that we have God..

but whenever i feel depress and lonely, i know that i can turn to God.
but..
God...im human too...i may be praying to U God, but...when i pray that u would encourage me, aren;t u sending people to encourage me?...''

then...why is that...whenever i have problems...i tell to someone who is 'holy' nad religious..i have the feeling that i ca;t tell them any problem...and just tell to God instead..

Hey..wake up please..im human too...and God send human to do the work k!!...
i need people's encouragement too....
is that so hard to ask for?
is it too much to ask for?
sigh...

why can;t
my leaders...
my love ones...
my parents...
my housemate...
my teacher...
my friends...

whenever i tell them something...a problem..
they always wanna give me advice to solve the problem myself immediately..?
why do they always fail to see...that im trying to improve..but i need encouragement to continue on the things im trying to improve on?

why do i feel as if im theonly one who can be sensitive enought to encourage people who need sit..but no one can do the same for me..

please...i know what is right and what is wrong...

i know some of the solutions to things...(unless i really made it clear that i need solutions on specific things)

all i need is really....
Encouragement.


whenever i do right...do good..please point them out to me...
so that i'll be motivated to do better...to do more...to expand on other areas...
this is call...Assurance!!!
and...so right...my biggest need..my biggest love language is WORDS of assurance!!!

with poeple pointing out what i did good...
- done well in studies
-made a really awesome model
-made a good move
-did a good job in handling things
-gave a good speach.....

i just need a healthy dose of.....praise..
whihc leads to...assurance...
which leads to confidence..
which leads to passion..
which leads to settig a right attitude...
which leads to good work..
which leads to mroe good work!!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Recover Relationship.....^^

....This very day....26th of March...
after our break up...
Fiona darling...u restored our relationship..
n decided to forgive me..
Thanks my love...

that was the best birthday present i got this year...
thanks alot...^^
things went so well....it progressed like a plane....flying higher n higher...
hehe...
such a memorable day to me...

i pray that we could last untill the day i see u again...
i love you Fiona Tok Mei Hung......

Monday, March 9, 2009

Our break up....9th March 09

Fiona...i guess the time for us to put tis relationship on a hold has finally came. And must i also say that despite feeling very 'keberatan' but i guess this is the only way we cna do it......for the better future. Honesly I took alot of courage to put our relationship to the test of time and took alot of courage to let go and shall not force u to do something that you couldn't do (to lie n being sneaky, doing things behind ur parnets back).....

Tell you the truth (hope this doesn't apply to the 'truth hurts rule')....i actually am very emo n almost shed a tear as i type the longest n probably the last sms to you as my girlfriend. Then again, i have to hold back the tears. Reason being is that i have to be strong, to set a good example to u i suppose n also because its a mature decition that i have to take. I have to learn to let go n not hold onto it too tight. And i think not just me but us, we have to learn to let go at times when its nessesary.....in order to recieve better outcomes or even better things and definately better future.

I hope you don;t mind if i post the messege that i send to u here, so that everytime if i ever think of u as my gf again....atleast i have this to read n to remind myself (and perhaps u too Fiona) of why we'r doing/ what we decided.....

SMS goes like this:

Fifi...after reading both ur msg suprisingly i must say im abit sad,but...somehow feel more towards happy actually. Im really glad u actually wanted tis way!! =)

Cos i was about to tell u da same thing, but with btr reason behind tis decision.

I wasn't sure b4 tis if i should ask u tat, coz scare u would feel tat i duwan to support u as bf, but now seems like u wanted it that way instead...so yeah ^^

N i do agree wit ur decision...=)

1st. its btr tis way so tat u dun need to do things behind his back, dun hav to lie. We also dun hav to be disobedient towards ur parnets!!^^

2nd. Hopefully we could concertrade btr in studies...

3rd. Perhaps we both can ease up a little, no stress or worry if we treat other gender good

4th. Use tis time to grow, in terms of being independent n stronger in character/ spiritually/ personality / soul searching/ find out wat n who we reli looking for.

5th. test our love if its a lasting wan or nt. Test our patience. N i believe tat

"if we are really meant to be toghter, no matter what happens, no matter how long to wait, as long as our feelings for each other its real n neva fade, somehow God will bless us n bring us bak!"

So, if our love is real, if we'r meant to be toghter, n end up being toghter again, we can happily say tat we obeyed them!!^^

N lastly, Fiona....i'm ok tat we'r now just friends =)
Lets keep it normal ^^v

Nelson

Sunday, March 8, 2009

7th March Tragedy....

to start it off....well i honesly really dono how to start at all....
all i could say its tat....thruth finally revealed to your dad...
i was fearfull this day was gonna come...coz parnets somehow just noe everything about their children...i guess its just something tat is ment to be...
sigh...

i was totally shock n was trembling when i heard tat ur dad found out about us...n force u to......
n well actually i faced it form my parnets as well...n i was not a nice scene at all...i too....cried for u actually....cried when my parnets stop me from going to meet u on the day before i fly off to Perth....at that moment i feel LIke i was imprisoned by them....i just couldn;t fight anymore...total surrender to them...
No matter what the situation is...weather if its 'broke up' in name.....my heart for u remain the same.. ur still remain as my GF in my heart...

Fiona.....i truelly cna understand wat ur going through...but osmehow...what ur experiencing is way heavier than wat i went through...
having to said tat...i still....well not to be rebellious...but i simply can't forget the thinsg tat is going between us...i can;t let go of tis relationship...simply coz...i dunwant...coz...i truelly Love u...n i said this once...n i would say it again...

After this experience, i realise that....every little hurdle we went through all this time...even tho it has been hard...but i realise...all these things actually strneghtens our love...our feelings...its getting clearer on how we truelly feel towards each other....especially this experience....the more we can't keep in touch...the mroe i want to cherrish every conversation, every chance we have to communicate!!!

...i just want to Hold u close to me...whenever i close my eyes......
i could just imagine....n remember the moment when ur in my arms.......
n now.....i would hold u in my arms even longer than before.....hugging u tighter than before....never wnat to let u go......

''We always have half of each other's heart.....your's with me n mine with you.....One dAy......that HeArT would join back as One again....i BeliEve!!!''

my love for u would not be the same....but its ever increasing!!!
I LOve YOU FIONA TOK MEI HUNG!!!!!!!!!!!
*sobs*

you are ALWAYs....gonna be my 1st Love....
ur still ...My Girlfriend!!!!!!!

Now and foreVeR!!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

pERsOnAl eXpErIence -- before n after being in a relationship ^^

heyz....haha just want to share about what i experience n notice...before n after being in a relationship..



i'm just wondering if everyone that are in a relationship would actually felt the same as i do...

i notice that after having a lovely n sweet Fiona as girlfriend...i really felt that there is something differnet in me. I notice that whenever i am around with girls or a girl, i find that i could express myself more freely than ever...i'm wondering if tis is because of

1.i know how to treat a girl better

2. i have confidence wihtmyself to the fact that i manage to have a gf ^^

3. i don;t hav to worry that i would have other intentions toward whichever pretty girl i talk to. (use to be easily attracted to jsut any-was desperade...WAS...)

4. i also feeling n thinking that i already have one, ^^ so duneed to even bother considering about the girl im chatting with.

5. simply coz i already have the BEst Girl d!!!....one who cares for me....one who reli does love me for not just looks but whats inside....one who had scarificed alot for me....one that is missing me every second every hour everyday....one that lightens my day whenever she is around.....one whom i really love

to: Fiona.....my love

Sarang hae yo....1314

Friday, February 13, 2009

Our very own...Valentines's Moment....

to my Fiona Darling:

today 14th Feb....might be valentines day...but to me...it would be a day that i would be thinking about you every hour...every munite....every second...every minisecond....every breath i breath.....Memories of us on our ''Valentine's Moment' keeps flashing in my mind....everything ocmes back to me afreash,and Darling...u noe what too...because of u...u have lift up my burden, my loneliness of this world, lifted up my enviness towards other couple... Vday use to be a very sad and envious day to me for the past 19 years...untill...i have u!!!!! because of you being in my life tho distance are long, u lit up my day, i no longer need to pity myself, question y am i being so lonely, so unlucky...because i know...very sure that...i have u n you have me...we have each other...and also a piece of each other's heart...to each of our empty hearts...be completed with each others's.....Happy Valentines day.

I Love you........


*kisses on cheek*